Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Enough, already

Sigh. I'm getting a little tired of bumping into people who expose my incompetence (inmompetence???) by either a) having their shit together so much better than I do, or b) asking questions to which I don't, but definitely should, know the answers.

Example #1: I'm at a birthday party this weekend, having a nice relaxing time watching Mad run around with her mates, when out of nowhere my consistently awe-inspiring mom friend asks me what I'm making for dinner. "Dunno," I shrug with complete distaste and disinterest. "Oh," she grins, "Well, I'm making noodles."

I stare at her blankly, a little relieved, because, well, she's only making pasta. Even I can do that.

But wait - she's looking a little too smug, and what's with that grin? Something's wrong. I run her words back in my head,"...making noodles," as in making the noodles? From dough?? She mimes the action of cranking the pasta out of her little pasta-making machine, delighted by my disbelief as I catch on.


(I ended up ordering pizza that night.)

Example #2: I'm out shopping with the girls this morning, enjoying our last morning together before school starts back up, when an impeccably-dressed sales clerk asks the kids when they start school. "Tomorrow," they groan. "Oh!" she exclaims perkily, "So, do you already have your outfits all picked out and ready to go?" They look over at me, uncertain.

No, I don't know what they're going to wear yet. I mumble something about not knowing what the weather's supposed to be like, as though that's really why I haven't got anything sorted. Hell, I don't even know what time the school day starts or where exactly to drop them off, now that they've switched to the neighborhood school.

Example #3: I'm sitting at my computer, typing a blog post, when Nathan comes up and asks sweetly, "What are we gonna have?" As in, for dinner. Ah, yes, look - it's 5:21 pm, and the law says something about taking care of these little people who live in my home. I should probably have started making something for dinner by now.

Have you ever had a moment like these? Please share if so. In the meantime, I've got to run - I have hungry children closing in around me like zombies in the Thriller video...


  1. I never know what I am going to make before hand. It is part of my daily adventure, what kind of delishiousness can I make from the crap in my kitchen.

    Anyone can plan, but only a true artist can make crap out of nothing.

  2. Two types of people out there, Kell... the Planner and the Spontaneous - neither is right. You are a sweet combo of both! Don't sell yourself short, your kids aren't missing a thing!

  3. Kelley, not sure if you were an English major in college or not, but well done! Very well written, I’m hooked. I expect to see all this woven into a book and published under the insight/humor/irreverence category someday!

    On a side note, having recently returned from holiday in Great Britain, I very much appreciated the "mates" and "sorted" comments ;)

    Keep it coming!


  4. You are no differnt than the working parent. My wife and I work full time, have two children and organization is a challenge. I've always thought of folks who ask you a question just so they can tell you about thwta they are doing, are quite lame. You should have asked her if you and your family could come over some somoe of her delicious noodles and then beat her senseless with the damn things. Wait, that's not very Christian... anyway.

    Like Sheri said, you've planners, doers and those in between. Most of us are inbetween. Myself, I'm 70% planner, 30% doer.

    Worry not, the Noodle Mom is a closet lush, the sales clerk doesn't have kids herself and has no idea how to wipe bum with one hand while holding another kid with the other, and your kids love pizza. You're A-OK!

  5. Whoa! Thanks for all of the repsonses. I love that you guys are reading. I am super grateful.

    Now, as for Noodle Mom, she happens to be one of the best friends I've got. Brilliant and supportive. I didn't mean to bash her by writing this post - I just wanted to point out that she and her garden-grown herbs can be a little intimidating to someone like me, who didn't even realize that her oven's been broken for the past 4 years. (More on that later.)

    I agree that there are definitely people out there who ask questions of others just so that they can answer them with their pre-planned bragadocious responses, but this one was done strictly tongue-in-cheek by Noodle Mom, as she likes to tease me about how un-cheffy I am.

  6. Oh, and Gar-Bear - I have dropped in and out of college more times than I can count, but yes, I have majored in English. (And Journalism. And Organizational Communication.) What's up next, nobody knows! Maybe I should study web design so that I can figure out how to put together the Craffing Out Loud site I purchased, or at least how to tweak this free Blogspot site...

  7. i have moments like that daily! sometimes we have to get a little creative at meal time, for lack of better planning. last night my little man ate some left over risotto, annie's mac and cheese, a handful of blueberries and some lunch meat. today i hid peas inside a chicken quesedilla in an attempt to get him to eat a vegetable once in a while.

  8. Ha! K, did N eat the quesedilla, none the wiser, or did he sniff out the peas and turn up his (adorable) nose at them?

  9. he ate it! hallelujah! i wonder what else can be hidden between those tortillas....

  10. I often have moments like those. Not all mom's are perfect. Some of us have our own lives too. And when the little people come sniffing around for food and we haven't remembered to take one of those unidentifiable objects out of the freezer that morning.. they get macaroni and cheese ;)

  11. Elina - at least you sometimes take your unidentifiable items out of the freezer. I just leave them there until I run out of room, throw them away because who knows what they are or when they're from, and start all over again! Thank heaven for macaroni and cheese, right? :-) Thanks for reading.